Sitting here sewing up my bag. Getting to the really messed up parts. I have had this bag so long it has become a close friend. The wounds I am sewing are almost grotesque. Fixing a knarly head wound that should require a patch. But I am only pulling the skin fairly close together and basically weaving new cloth. Then I must fix a huge opening in the side, already repaired two, but this one is torn in many angles. After that it is on to the small holes and ones that will potentially become holes.
My mother asked why I would want to spend all this time and energy on this pack when I could just use one of the army duffles. First off because my bag has better straps and only can hold so much before full. Next because I am now very much used to this one and it is almost sentimental to me. But mostly it is because why would I not put the time and effort to repair something that has served me well for 8 years to downgrade to something that won’t work nearly as well just to save time and energy. I have a rule with my equipment. If it cannot take the abuse of my normal life and breaks too easy then it is not for me. If an item can survive threw hell with me and breaks after many long hard battles then I will fix or replace.
This whole sewing project has me thinking of friendships and relationships current and past. I have had to dispose of many people these last couple years and more so these last couple months. Some of the reasons because I have been the equipment that was being neglected after many years of service with no care received back and sometimes because that person has proven to fragile to be close to me. With my roughness I have also avoided certain relationships because I fear to hurt them. But of the fragile ones I had to let go some were let go because they were too fragile to have opinions challenged and grew offended too often. Others were let go because I did not wish to offend because of my beliefs so to spare them being upset I removed me from their life. But of the few friends I still call as such. They should know that much like this bag I would never throw them away. I will put the time and effort to try to repair them with any and all means I have. But there are somethings that I cannot repair. Sometimes they must be sent away to others in hopes that that other person can do the job better then I can. But just because I have sent them away does not mean I don’t love them or need them. It only means something is missing from my life.